I’ve never been one of those moms who wax nostalgic about the baby phase of motherhood. For me, it was utterly exhausting. My firstborn never slept – ever (still doesn’t to this day!) And in all honesty, I have few memories of the first two years of the twins’ life. Sleep deprivation is truly torture.
So imagine my surprise when I was wandering through Target buying groceries not long ago and had a nostalgia meltdown in the diaper aisle. I entered the aisle feeling as if I needed to stock up on diapers, then realized that the diaper phase of my life is done for good.
And it’s BEEN done for several years now, making my yearning for babyhood all the more surprising.
My babies are getting big now. In fact we have no babies in the family any more. We have little girls who like to poach my purse of its lipstick. We have a young boy who now giggles mysteriously when I mention the name of some of the girls in his class.
So in Target, I had a moment of mourning for the loss of all things baby in my life. I never knew until motherhood how loss coils its way into your heart alongside of love; every new phase of childhood signifies the ending of another.
And then I waved good-by to all that and remembered that I’m actually happy that I will never buy a megapack of Huggies ever again.
Were they ever babies? Or was that just a dream?
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